For Part one in the series on The Self-Compassionate Mindset see here.
Continuing our series today lets look at what the self-compassionate mind actually is:
Outlining it as the opposite of the diet-mentality of course does some good, but you also need to understand it as an entity unto itself. The more deeply you can understand and comprehend the self compassionate mind, the more ready you will be to recognize it, and embrace it in your life. It cannot be something you try to use to ‘resist’ your diet-mentality. It must be much more than that. Remember, ‘what you resist, persists.’
The self compassionate mind is what is left when you let go of the diet-mentality. It is not be to be used as a “weapon” in a battle within the diet-mentality. That kind of mindset just proves the diet-mentality is still the working operating system of your thoughts and feelings about weight control. That is what must be surrendered. And a more in-depth understanding of the self compassionate mind can help you to do so. (Abel, 2015, p.82)
Abel notes that the self-compassionate mind is about mindfulness, which allows you to be directed the way you want to go with your weight management, more than that he notes that anything you do from this place will result in, as we have mentioned, positive feedback loops that amount to a sustainable and regular practice of care, self-acceptance, self-empowerment and personal growth.
To Abel you need to move from externally motivated reasoning, that is numbers, societal expectation, to an “inner connection”, that simply eating right and exercising is not enough, and can even be emotionally destructive taken without this context. Think – just because you are running on a treadmill and lifting weights, doesn’t necessarily mean you have fostered the right analogous psychological habits. It is compassion that is needed, which he defines for us:
Emotional support in the direction of the desired change, and without self-rejection and attack when you struggle. (Abel, 2015, p.83)
This comes from within you, not from external stimuli and more than this, love is required, using positivity rather than jealousy and envy to motivate you to your goals, to avoid the “compare, contrast and compete” mindset from the diet-mentality. Going even further, patience is required, a patience that “accepts all things”, to be patiently self-supporting and self-accepting of yourself as you move through your weight management. These, Abel states are the keys to “endure the process” of long-term and healthy weight management.
Abel notes that often these kinds of sentiments are seen as being weak or soft, a flaky kind of sentimentality, aside from asking why labeling yourself positively rather than negatively is seen as weak, Abel states the opposite is true. Self-compassion requires you to have the strength to be open to, and able to withstand tough and emotional situations, and more than that to face up to them, to not shy away from difficulty and discomfort, as he states: “Real compassion is strength in action.” (p. 85) It connects you with yourself by allowing you to be open and honest and committed with yourself, to connect with your courage and honor, both pathways Abel notes which lead to contentment and achievement.
Therefore the self-compassionate mind, because it nourishes your soul and your spirit, is also the only path to understanding what long-term weight control is about and what it entails, and how to nurture your way there. (And never attempt to force your way there). (Abel, 2015, p.86)
This kindness allows you to forgive yourself for your mistakes and replenish you, invigorates you to focus on your process.
Abel, S. (2015). The Anti-Diet Approach to Weight Loss and Weight Control. Scott Abe